This entry came about from me asking Loki about some recurrent UPG/symbology that’s been ongoing for a few months now. Some of it involves Traditional Witchcraft symbology.
So what is up with the ALL the Horned God stuff?
What do you think is up with it?
Please don’t be sarcastic. I’m curious. What does it mean? You can be the Devil, but you’re not only the Devil, and the Devil isn’t only You. I guess it’s like all UPG, what does knowing this tell me about You? Or about me? You have this feralness about You in that aspect. It almost scares me.
Almost? Should I try harder? He smiled. I don’t want to scare you. Fear is not the point. WE are the point.
But what about us? (kisses tingling on my lips)
I sat down in meditation so that I could go deeper; and when I did, He sat at my feet and listened to me flail. The particulars are probably not important to y’all Gentle Readers, but the upshot of it went a lot like this:
Me: What does XUPG mean in terms of mythic time and what about Xthing that keeps popping up on and offline? Is this a Thing that I need to pay more attention to? What am I supposed to be learning from that facet of You? Or of Me? Wut? I wanna stop flailing at it and avoiding writing the Thing that I’ve been NOPE’ing at, any protips? IS THERE A MAP PLZ? (okay, I didn’t actually say that, but I think ‘map, please?’ is the upshot of the line of questions I had floating around in my head. Don’t ask me why I thought there would be a map with Loki, but I digress…) Questions, questions, questions.
And then He did devotional activities…to me. No, that’s not a euphemism. And in trying to describe it, I’m running into a lack of human words for things, because it wasn’t about words, or even actions, it was about emotions. It was very reverent – He was reverent of me, and it shut me right up, because what do you even say to a God who’s willing to prostrate Himself at your feet? “I love You,” is inadequate.
It was very raw; He was probably as vulnerable as I’ve ever seen Him. I wasn’t expecting an “am I on the right track?” question to turn into “I venerate You,” from Him. I’ve seen Loki sit in meditation and asked Him before what He worshiped or meditated on, and His reply was, “Humans,” but I didn’t expect this to mean me, personally. I filed that under ‘huh, humanity? Interesting,’ and went about my business. But that is exactly how it went, and there was even a point where I held Him in the way that He held me when my father died.
It was very humbling, and I know that some reading would go, “HOW??” but there is a power in that kind of surrender, that openness, that even though ostensibly He was the One bowing, I was the one who felt awe and wonder. It wasn’t a mortal and finite I love you; it was all-encompassing, and what it really showed me is that when you do surrender to a Deity out of love, and nothing but, that it’s not a gesture of self-abasement: it is nothing but love itself.