I’m sure y’all have noticed that it’s been quiet on my blog. Guess who has two thumbs and her entire spiritual life upturned and rebooted?
A number of years ago, when I was new to Northern Trad and being a godspouse and such, there was a prominent godspouse who left NT. I found it confusing and saddening.
And now I find myself like her: with the hardest of right turns happening in my wyrd. I am still Vanic, but not Lokean anymore. These are words that I never thought I’d write.
Anyone who follows my Tumblr already knows that I’ve been sucked into Star Wars fandom hardcore. I have not been explicit about why, but there’s a reason. Yule of 2015, I acquired a new Spirit Spouse, of the Pop Culture variety.
I was not hunting a new partner, y’all. There is a reason that I have a tag on my Tumblr (or I did but I can’t find it now fancy that Kylo ‘so Extra with the Tech Because He’s a MFing Skywalker) that says “All I wanted was to watch Star Wars and I got the Force and Kylo Ren.” And from go, he has been Hurricane Ren.
“Game changers happen; you may meet someone so amazing, so fantastic, that you are willing to rearrange parts of your life to create space for them…
A game-changing relationship is invariably disruptive. It makes us see things in a new light. It opens us to new ways of thinking, or perhaps answers needs we didn’t know we had (or didn’t think could be met). Because of that, game-changing relationships are scary…
Game changers change things. It’s in the name. They upset existing arrangements. People confronted with a game-changing relationship will not be likely to remain happy with old rules and agreements for long; the definition of a game-changing relationship is that it reshuffles priorities. Expecting an agreement to protect you from a game changer is a bit like expecting a river to obey a law against flooding.
Life rewards courage. The game changer that turns everything upside down might just leave you in a better place. The only real control you have in your relationships comes from working together to express the things you need even while change is happening all around you.” – Franklin Veaux, More Than Two
Kylo is, for me, a game changer. He met needs that I didn’t even know that I had. And the ease with which we came together was overwhelming and unnerving. There’s a scene in Girls, the TV show that made Adam Driver famous (and btw you will never convince me that Mr Method Actor doesn’t have a saddle).
“Just because I tasted her cum and spit or could tell you her middle name or knew a record she liked, that doesn’t mean anything. That’s not a connection. Anyone can have that. Really knowing someone is something else. It’s a completely different thing and when it happens you won’t be able to miss it. You will be aware. And you won’t hurt, or be afraid.”
I’m still surprised at the ease of this relationship. He feels like home to me.
I know some readers are going “this is fucking weird, H” to which all I can say is “INORITE??”
In all seriousness, I’ve had people ask me if Kylo is Loki in a mask. LOL NO. Kylo: Scorpio as fuck (AF), introverted AF, reserved, goth AF, doesn’t drink, and has no chill that anyone is aware of unless he’s stoned. Likes tea, not coffee. Just…not Loki. At all.
I am writing this because Kylo asked me too, btw. I have debated a lot what to say, how much, etc. Ultimately I decided to be name specific about Kylo for a couple reason: one, anyone could check my FB or tumblr and figure it the fuck out, and two: I think a dialogue about Pop Culture as its own realm of spirits that we’re interacting with needs to happen. Because if you believe in Spirits, if you believe this stuff is real, and I do, then maybe we need to be more proactive about who we’re picking and choosing to interact with, and engage in some hospitality.
“I knew you were mine,” Kylo said. “I watched you watching the trailer, and then the film.”
This was flail inducing to me for a number of reasons: oh fuck, he’s been watching me since 20-fucking-14, and secondly because I think my only initial impression of him was “huh that’s a cool lightsaber” because I’m that nerd. (Kylo: I am also that nerd) (no really Kylo is a tremendously intellectual nerd. ASK HIM WHY THE DARK SIDE DO IT DO IT IF YOU LOVE FORCE STUFF ASK HIM IT IS THE BOMB)
Beyond my personal life though, there are implications to understanding his words: when we consume media, we think we’re the only viewers (you’re such egocentrics, humans, says the Force), but no – we are watching them and they are watching us back. I was chatting about this with a member of my kindred and our mutual ponderation of ‘there should probably be some sort of witchy protocol that is the equiv of leaving an offering for the vaettir’ when we’re engaging with media. And maybe the rule of thumb being ‘if you plan or find yourself spending a lot of time here, make an offering, same way you do when you leave an offering at a home or a ritual site.’
There are sorta cracks in that protocol, because I wasn’t planning on being sucked back into the Galaxy Far, Far, Away (GFFA) but on the other hand, one of my PCP friends just looked at me and went ‘you have been a fan since the OT, like, seriously? You’re gonna get sucked in.”
Force: *waits until I’m enthenogened out* You like hot Dark Side guys right? HERE’S KYLO REN.
Me: AWWW YISSSSS
Me: (later) wait, did I do a Thing? He asked me to be king and then ravished me, is that shit binding?
Wyrd: YEP. MOZEL TOV!
*Hurricane Ren ensues*
Finally, I wanted to come clean about this because I was scheduled to be a headliner at this years’ Florida Pagan Gathering Beltaine, and I bowed out, and it is not Loki-related, because even if Kylo hadn’t hurricaned all over my life, I would have bowed out because the Frosts are attending and there was subterfuge about their attendance and amount of participation, and if I had known that they were going to be there, I would never have agreed to be there in the first place. If you’re not familiar with their work or the controversy, I’m going to link you to an extremely trigger-inducing post, and it is trigger warning worthy because of childhood sexual abuse disguised as ritual. If you have childhood abuse in your history, you may not want to click through. Suffice to say that FPG bills itself as family-friendly and as a parent I cannot support this in any form, nor would I bring my child (when they were underage) to a festival that included them as headliners or presenters. So I will not be headlining and I am sorry for anyone who was hoping to meet me there. FPG has many lovely people on staff and in attendance, but I cannot support anything that advocates the Frosts.
So that’s all, folks. I am going to start writing about adventures in working with new spirits and pop culture stuff, in addition to continuing the book I’m working on about the overlaps between spirit encounters in ancient polytheism, modern day, witchcraft trial accounts, and pop culture paganism. Maybe I’ll link the blog here for those curious.