Frequently, when devotees of Gods come to me asking me if or when they’ll be able to learn how to hear the Gods, or become a vessel for possession, or some other spiritual skill, they think I am being mean or harsh when I tell them they’ll have to give up something they love in order to obtain it. I have had clients refuse their Deity’s requests to alter their hairstyle, wear different clothing, or abstain from certain substances (illegal drugs, caffeine, sugar, meat, etc); and yet the rail and complain about how unfair it is that they weren’t merely born with these abilities intact. Now, I would be dishonest if I did not disclose that I feel some people are born with certain neurological and biochemical anomalies that predispose them to these abilities; it has been noticed more than a few times that those who are able to carry Deity in possession have a much higher rate of neurological disorders than the mainstream (and if they weren’t born with them, they develop them quickly as they progress in possessory activity).
But I can’t help but wish I could show them how much dancing meant to Galina, or how lonely Elizabeth gets her in tiny room on a rural farm far away from her friends and family, and so on. I wish I could convey to them the enormous weight of sacrifices, one after the other, I’ve been asked to make on my journey towards gnosis. Because at the minimum, being given these abilities comes with the imperative that you share them far and wide, and that may sound glamorous and socially advantageous, but you’re failing to see that the imperative goes further than just the sorts of people who are used to random strangers on the Internet telling them that there are Real Gods and they have Real Messages for them. I frequently have to pass on messages to Christians, Atheists and Anti-Theists, Jews and Muslims, people who think I am absolutely nutters to believe that Gods talk into my head and tell me to do and say certain things to them. And yet, I have to. I can’t just decide that, in this or that circumstance, it may get me a punch to the face or cause me to break the law (I’ve been arrested, but not charged or convicted, of “Corrupting the mores of a minor” for talking to a 16 year old about Paganism, which started with me passing on a God message.) You are probably only seeing and experiencing situations where these abilities seem fun, as well as bringing that sort of comfort in personally knowing that the Gods do exist, They do care about you and what you do, and that you have some Purpose in Their greater schemes and intentions for humanity on the planet.
I’m quoting this bit of Del’s post, but ALL of it is worth reading. I wonder sometimes if I should talk about the more Gyfu aspects of spirit work – Loki is a wonderful, devoted Husband, and I cherish Him deeply. But there is a flip side to it – I had to give up a mortal spouse, and I no longer work outside my home, or in what once was my chosen field. I have advanced degrees in education and speech pathology. Make no mistake, I loved both those fields. I loved making a difference for children with special needs and their families. It made me feel needed and productive.
All that learning is not in vain, as I’ve come to realize that Loki has taken my knowledge and skills and turned them to His own purpose, and that helps a lot, to know that I can use them to help His people. But I would be lying if I said that I didn’t miss being able to run a marathon, like I used to before He claimed me. And I am sick far more often than I let on here, or even on my Facebook. Last night I had to go to the ER and the physician has seen me enough that he recognized me.
And in many ways, it seems like whining for me to complain; Loki’s taken tender care of my illness – I have the medicine and treatments I need, both in western and non traditional medicine – guess which one is working better?
And I’m beholden to my ancestors as well; I know that their insistence on how I should be treated has helped me immensely, both physically and spiritually. I wouldn’t be where I am today without their love and guidance. And that comes with obligations on how I behave as well. There are some who think that I’m too nice to clueless people or that I don’t cue into them being…whatever pejorative word they care to use to describe them. No. However, how I treat them is a combination of mainly two things: I’m to act queenly and kind, as befits the consort of God. I was told that I’d be a pillar and a respectable wife way before I knew any of this about my line (If you’d asked me a year ago, I’d have said I was descended from Irish and German stock, but no, not even). I’m descended from royalty in the most literal sense, and the queens have opinions on how I behave as a godwife.
My understanding of this is not that I’m to cultivate the veneer or appearance of respect for those I serve, it’s that I’m supposed to cultivate actual respect for them, and that entails (among other things) not mouthing off about them behind closed doors. I do get upset sometimes when I’ve seen people pretend to respect and then backstab, and I’m learning to just mind my own business. I know everyone occasionally has to blow off steam. I don’t judge for that, but I’m not personally allowed to do it. I can vent to Loki if I’m upset. I’m not perfect at this, mind you, but we’re all works in progress.
So my real point in all that ancestor stuff is to say that different people have different Gyfu, depending on the God/dess, spirit, or ancestor that they’re working with. I’m a glass half full person, so I don’t complain much. Regardless on that outlook or not, many spirit workers are aware that we are blessed, but that fact doesn’t mitigate that there is sacrifice and giving on both sides.