Last night, I was with Loki Elsewhere, and the conversation on what to share and what to keep to myself came up because He’s been prodding me to be less reserved lately.
“And what would I tell people? Or show them? How to be water?” ‘Be water,’ is both a joke and a lesson between us, because I’m an earth sign and stubborn as one can be. It’s been a while since I did that kind of shapeshifting, but I let myself dissolve into a stream of water on the ground, pooling at the rocks at His feet. And then I tried to shift back. “Er, this is easier IN water.” And I laughed.
Amused, He knelt down, palms glowing, and I began to rise as mist. I coalesced into a glowy version of me. “I can kinda see me outside of me. That’s weird.”
“That’s because you view matter and spirit as a separate thing. You think the real you is still in bed and watching. Try to move back in. Think of your spirit as you.”
That worked. I looked down at my hands – His mark on my wrist was quite visible, and my misty, glowy self smeared and recoalesced in a rhythmic beat. “It’s the oxygen, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “That’s the connection to your body.”
“Should I be worried? Am I going to die young?”
“Do you want to die young?” He gathered me closer to Him, a little more solid, both of us golden and glowing.
I thought about it. I’m still thinking about it, if you want to know the truth. “I want to be around when MC needs me.”(my child) “I don’t know if I fear dying so much as I fear being trapped in a body that doesn’t work anymore, like my Grandma is right now. Hela said that’s her choice, and not Hers. That she’s too stubborn to let go of her body right now, even if it’s not working.”
“And you think you’d let go of your body while it’s still working?”
I made a face. “I doubt it. I have Gramma’s stubborn streak.”
He laughed. “That you do, my goddess.” He pressed our palms together. “You’re made from the same stuff as me. It doesn’t matter when you choose to leave or if you stay in your body. We aren’t separate.” I must have looked skeptical, because He leaned in closer, kissed me, and said, “Try to see yourself the way that I see you.”
I leaned into Him, but very lightly, because the one other time I’ve done this, it was energy heavy and I was too sick for that much energy – and turned around to look. I was gold and glowy, even my hair, and while I recognized myself, I didn’t look like the earthly version of me. I did look feminine, I remember breasts, and curly, gravity-defying hair. I looked a little feral and fae, but that’s how a lot of Jotuns look to me.
“Not so different from Me,” He said.
Not at all, Loki.