Doing it right/Doing it wrong

When I first began this blog, I had no damn idea at all why Loki wanted me, wanted me to talk about Him, or myself, or well…anything. I can’t speak to anyone’s experiences but my own, but I really struggled a lot with understanding why – what made me worthy of His attention – I wasn’t particularly spiritual, I had a lot of meatspace issues like my health, raising a family, writing, and I spent some quality time asking Him “wouldn’t someone else be better at this?”

As it turns out, I am well-suited to what He wants me to do, but I suppose whether I always was or whether He got me there is debatable, cause I don’t even have a definitive answer to that. In the end, it doesn’t much matter to me either – I’m pragmatic enough to be okay with being able to do what needs to be done now. It probably helps a great deal that o/Our agendas have a fair amount of overlap in regards to what I can do. Ultimately though, it’s not even about Work, it’s about the relationship between Him and me, which is why Jolene Dawe’s post hit such a nerve with me:

“I need – and more, want – to stay open to [Poseidon's] presence, to both His fluctuations and the natural fluctuations anyo/One would have in any sort of an intimate relationship. I want to be engaged in this life….

I’m sharing this here because I’ve been at this a while. I don’t mean that to sound like me tooting my horn, but I know that when I was just starting along my path, I looked at others with years behind them and thought, they must have it all together. And now, with years behind me, I have to admit that – in some things, yes. In other things? Not so much. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

I would rather spend my life stumbling along with Him, trying to give more and more and more, clumsy and fumbling and awkward, than glide along with nary any attention paid to the process. I’m embracing my stumbling and my awkwardness and, yes, even those moments of feeling devastated in failing Him, in having to be reminded to give Him more of myself. All of myself, and then more.” – Jolene Dawe, “Doing Everything Right and Still Failing.”

Jo has been at this longer than me, and it helps to know that the process is just as important as its results. Spurred in part by her “Names Don’t Matter,” post, I decided to tell Loki that I wanted Him to come to me in whatever form He pleased, and that He could give me whatever He thought was appropriate, as opposed to me asking for something specific. I did this because previously I’ve had a yardstick of what I think He should look like, and if it didn’t match that, I was clearly Not Seeing Loki, even though I had an interaction with Marvel Loki where I thought I was daydreaming and…not so much. The other impetus for this was Dagulf Loptson’s posts on Loki as a God of ceremonial fire. If you haven’t read them, parts one and two are at Polytheist.com.

The reason that both Jo and Dagulf’s posts pinged with me are because I have seen Freyr as Someone much older than anything in Old Norse culture – He was horned and wild and so ancient that I doubt He was named Freyr, Ingvi, or anything that we would recognize as Him today. I don’t think we even farmed when that was His primary form. I’m sure some reading would associate this with Cernunnos, but that wasn’t a name He answered to when I wondered about it – I got a “close but no” feel from Him, and it still felt like Freyr. It was a moment of awe and wonder, and I had a new respect for the depth of my Father’s knowledge, wisdom, and power.

And that leads to the wondering of why haven’t I ever run into ancient Loki? But as soon as I thought it, I knew the answer, which was if I’d pick at Marvel Loki over His appearance and not pay attention to what He was trying to tell me, there’s little point in trying something else. There’s also the fact that obsessing over whether or not I’m seeing Him right makes everything about me and not about whatever He’s trying to teach me.

So I let it go. (insert Elsa singing here)

I gave Him permission to change. This is not to say that He’s never changed faces for me – I’ve seen Him be a living cinder, a blond, a brunette, a wolf – but they were all things that I kind of expected, or things other people have seen, and I wanted to see what He would do. What does Loki want to be today?

He’s been a lot more feral. He’s also come to me as the Muse again – and that was a surprise, because I wasn’t sure I’d ever see that particular form again, because we fought over it a lot in the beginning. The experiment goes on, and may my desire to be right never exceed my Desire to know my Beloved in all His parts.

 

The “good” disabled person

Society tells us from the time we are young that the best disabled people do not depend on anyone. “Being raised to not depend on anyone” is a societal hallmark of a disabled person that has “overcome” according to the standards of success. We are declared “successful” in the eyes of society when we don’t need help anymore or we need the least help possible. While well intentioned, this logic is damaging and twisted. We need to change the way we look at disabilities and the way we treat the idea of needing help. While it is certainly a good thing to do as much as one possibly can without assistance, we have not accomplished anything as a society seeking to empower others by shaming those who do in fact need some help. The fact is, with or without a disability, everyone needs help sometimes and everyone, yes, all of us, depend on someone for something. There is no shame in that because it is part of the human experience to support each other.

– “Help is not a dirty word,” — The Squeaky Wheelchair

My disabilities are invisible, but I too, have felt the push to be a “good” disabled person, and that somehow if I worked harder, I’d be “more independent.”

It put my ass in the hospital in the coronary unit, with a resting heart rate of 188. Yes, you absolutely can kill yourself trying to meet other peoples’ expectations. I almost did, back in March of 2012. People with disabilities aren’t burdens, they’re human beings, and needing assistance or asking for accommodations isn’t any lazier than when an able-bodied person asks for help moving to a new home, or getting a computer fixed, etc. It’s just recognizing that X thing isn’t in your skill set and that someone else is better at it than you. Yes, really, even if X thing is personal care related or asking not to be triggered or put in a situation that provokes social anxiety. People may not be able to anticipate needs, but disabled people are often put in the position of both having to educate about their illness and then having to educate about what they need and hope that they won’t be judged for needing help on top of all the work they just did educating people.

Edit: I just wanted to add that it can also be tremendously hard for an individual with disabilities to deprogram from the notion of being a “good” disabled individual, particularly since even able-bodied people have issues with achievement equaling worth. Not that I was any better when I was able-bodied; I used to pride myself on the fact that I amassed three degrees while taking care of a child with Asperger’s and running a writing circle. I’m not one of those people that blathers on about the gift of disability, but I will say that it (finally) gave me permission to slow down a bit.

TL;DR: BE A HUMAN BEING.

Destash ALL THE THINGS

Heather Freysdottir:

I am reblogging for signal boost, but also because I recently bought a love knot necklace from Nono, and I was thoroughly impressed with the quality of workmanship and materials in the necklace. I may edit this and add a picture of me wearing it, just so y’all can see how beautiful it is.

Originally posted on The Serpent's Labyrinth:

So… I have these beading organizers. For the last few years I’ve had stuff taking up space in them that I just… haven’t used.  (Like we are talking back from my first couple years in California, that is how old this stuff is, a good 6-7 years old.) And as happens, said organizers have gotten disrupted enough that they pretty much stopped being organized.  (This was a long while back.)

As I’m moving across the country and having to ship my possessions eastward, I am prioritizing what to take with me, and the beads that I actually use to make things to make money with are of way higher priority than beads I am never going to get around to using.  (And I would like to reclaim my organizers to actually organize beads I am actually using, and keep them that way.)

So as part of my “garage sale”, I…

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Avoiding Reactionary Theology | Magick From Scratch

The answer to a theological question is the dialogue between the various possible answers. That dialogue should not end. Different answers will work for different people and different times. Put one on the back-burner if you need to, but never throw it out. Let the contradiction sit, and be comfortable sitting with that contradiction. Also: don’t abandon your community because you have unique ideas, and don’t drive people out of your community just because their ideas aren’t the same as everyone else’s.

via Avoiding Reactionary Theology | Magick From Scratch.

*applause*

Loki is bound.
Loki is free.
Loki killed Baldur.
Loki was no where near when the mistletoe struck.
Loki was in on the two-man con.
Loki was a victim of the con.
Loki is mad.
Loki is
the
only
sane
one
here.

An Outsider’s View of God-Spousery.

Heather Freysdottir:

Can I just thank the Gods for a moment that this is a polite, respectful post on godspousery that abstains from trying to set a bar for legitimacy?

Yes, good. Thank you, Magick from Scratch.

Originally posted on Magick From Scratch:

“Let us go, my Beloved, to greet the Bride
The Queen’s Whole Self shall we welcome”
— From L’kha Dodi, the Jewish Evening Sabbath service.

The term “god-spouse” always seems to carry with it a discussion.

“Can a person really be married to a deity?”

“Are they claiming equality to that divinity, and are they really any closer to them than the rest of us?”

“If someone claims to be a god spouse, I expect them to be exceptionally devoted.”

“I can’t imagine that they gods pick and choose favorites.”

While most of the discussion that non-god-spouses seem to have about the phenomenon focuses on the idea of legitimacy, I have an entirely different question to ask. What does it mean? Why have the gods chosen to do this?

Why am I even exploring this issue? My apologies to all the various and sundry god-spouses out there. You fascinate…

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Mysteries: You Won’t Learn This In Books

Heather Freysdottir:

Shauna Aura Knight talks about how valuable learning in-person is for Pagans. Some things really are easier to teach and to learn live.

Originally posted on Shauna Aura Knight:

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The first thing most seekers want is books. And yes–books are valuable. I write books, I read books. But some things, you just can’t learn from reading. And that’s people involved in spiritual work mean when we say, “It’s a mystery.” The mysteries are the things that we can write about over and over, but you really won’t get it until you’ve experienced them for yourself.

I field a lot of questions from seekers on various online lists and groups, as well as when I travel and teach at events or offer events in Chicago. What’s the first question people usually ask me?

“What books should I read?”

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A little reminder

Heather Freysdottir:

Moving is costly, and Nono has some great stuff in his Etsy shop. I recently purchased a necklace and was really impressed with the quality of workmanship that he puts into his jewelry. I do a bit of beading for fun, so I know what good quality materials and construction look like. If you are shopping for holiday presents, this is a great time to snap up something beautiful and well-made for a loved one.

Originally posted on The Serpent's Labyrinth:

So… the plans for my move are in place and I’ll be fairly busy the next several weeks with the different phases of what needs to be done.  The super-fun part, and by super-fun I mean not really, is going to be FedExing my shit to CT.  I went through this with UPSing my stuff from SoCal to Oregon when I moved in 2013 and good lord that was a pain in the ass.  (And it’s going to be an expensive pain in the ass.  This is actually the most expensive part of my move, is moving my shit, though making the arrangements to bring my little furball with me hasn’t been cheap either.)  So along those lines…

I am parting with stuff that I don’t really have a use for, and can’t justify taking up space in my boxes (as that adds weight, even with smaller items)… but maybe you…

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