D has given me a lot of helpful advice over the last few months; one thing he’s said that has really stuck with me – and that he encouraged me to share here on my blog – was “Be the best version of yourself, not a half-assed version of someone else.” He’s told me to not compare myself to others, but instead, focus on what I do have to offer with regards to my spirit-work services, my art… because nobody else’s work is exactly like mine.
Refraining from playing the comparison game hard when we feel like our religious lives ought to be more active, or when there’s things we’d like to accomplish that we haven’t had time/energy for… and especially when it seems like others are accomplishing more than us. Like other pagan artisans or writers. The comparison game, speaking from experience, is not only not helpful but is the antithesis to productivity. When I feel like I’m “doing it wrong” I get the fuckits and am more prone to falling off the wain. :P I have to keep in mind that I can only do the best with what I have. My religious practise does not need to look like other people’s, because other people are not me and they have different requirements in their spiritual relationships than I do; even if Random Spirit-Worker X and I have relationships with the same entities and we have similar Jobs, our relationships with those entities are going to be necessarily different, and our Work is going to manifest differently, because we’re different people and we’re coming to it with different “stuff” in its makeup.
The comparison game can happen with admirers – people who look up to you and feel like they fall short; I cannot begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard “Nono I wish I had what you had” or “I wish I could do what you do” and so on, and I’m like “no, no, do your own thing, your own thing is perfectly good”. Unfortunately, it’s not just always with admirers – when you get popular you are inevitably going to run into haters, I have a few “fans” on Tumblr. A lot of times hate is born in jealousy (even if the haters will pretend otherwise), especially if they feel like they’ve accomplished less or they feel like they’re less talented, and so on. Sometimes people may not be outright haters, but may be quietly feeding their inner envy monster.
via Unique | The Serpent’s Labyrinth.
Comparison does indeed suck the joy out of life. Have a read over Nornoriel’s post; it’s helpful no matter whether you’re old or new at this type of Work.
I especially appreciate it because I have been nudged (okay at this point it’s a shove) to write a book about godspousery; the Loki devotional that I was attempting to put out has just morphed into that anyway. Please allow me a moment to eye the Husband suspiciously.
I have tried to wriggle my way out of writing a godspouse book for the same reason that many others have ended up NOPE NOPE NOPEing on it – it invites comparisons, because you have to talk about your own experiences, and well, no one’s marriage with Loki is exactly like mine and vice versa. I don’t think that my relationship with Loki is the gold standard that everyone else should try to live up to, yanno? But you can say over and over that experiences can and should vary and still have people who can’t or won’t listen to that bit. Regardless, it seems this project is mine to write, and so that is what I will be doing – already am, actually, in that I have some stuff written already, and I’ve been working on organizing it into a more cohesive work. Some of it will be revised and expanded from this blog; some of it is new material. I’ve debated whether to make it all helpful how-to or all mysticism, but it appears to be shaping itself into a mixture of both, which seems appropriate to me in the sense that most godspouses act as a bridge or a gateway for their Beloveds in one fashion or another.
This also means that this blog will probably not see a lot of regular long posts, though I don’t rule out writing shorter things. The bulk of my writing brain is going into this for now. I may write some shorter stories because I find short fiction easier to pen when I am low-spoon, and fall is often a low-spoon time of year for me. It’s a good time for me to be indoors, however, because I usually spend fall trying not to get sick and/or hospitalized.